Everyone knows that my grandma and I didn't share a typical grandma/granddaughter relationship. I came into the world when she was only 30 years old and in many ways, she took on more of the mom role because my mom was so young. Mamma gets credit for naming me Krista Karlene and our bond was strong from the start. When I was young, she was the one person that I wanted when something wasn't going right or when I didn't feel well. The one person that would make things better. I always looked up to her and I can still remember getting into little arguments with my dad over silly stuff, like me saying that she made more money than he did, even though she didn't. I just always thought she was the smartest and best at everything. She was successful, hard-working and independent. I wanted to be just like her!! And as I got older, she was still the person that I wanted by my side... whether that was car shopping, seeing an orthopedic surgeon for my scoliosis or tagging along to get information at Universities that I considered... she was there for anything important that was happening in my life. We truly became great friends. We shared several interests and spent time antique shopping and decorating. She introduced me to my love for Fenton art glass and Thomas Kinkaid. We took vacations together (not because I had to, but because I saved up money and wanted to). We went to concerts together (Garth Brooks, Celine Dion and Cher). We loved The Lord of the Dance and saw a live show for Mother's Day one year. We just did things that great friends do because they enjoy each others company.
My family lived with my grandparents on a few different occasions when I was growing up, but I moved in with her by myself when I was 20, after my grandparents separated. Being roommates for 2 1/2 years was such a great experience. We watched way too many Lifetime movies and ate way too much vanilla ice cream. I have always cherished that time when it was just us. Travis and I met during this timeframe. It's funny to remember their first meeting. Mamma could be a tough cookie when it came to my dating life and I was pretty nervous about introducing Travis to her (because he was 5 years older than me!). We went out for dinner and by the time I got to the restaurant, I had broken out in 13 huge stress-induced fever blisters! I'm not sure what I was so worried about because she loved Travis and grew to love him more over the next 14 years. The feeling was mutual and I loved that when Travis and I would daydream, our plans often included her. When we looked at houses that we could spend forever in, we always made sure there was a spot to build my grandma's cozy cottage in the backyard. She and I were going to be a package deal down the road and Travis was always supportive of that.
Family was everything to my grandma. That's what she lived for. Our joys, accomplishments and adventures were her joys, accomplishments and adventures. I can't help but feel guilty now because she put so much energy into us and not herself. She didn't spend a lot of time outside of her home or family, but that's how she preferred it. She loved my babies like they were her own. She was over the moon excited about her first great-grandchild and even watched Tyler as a newborn when I went back to the office for a couple of months. She went to doctor appointments with me and asked just as many questions as I did. She rushed to my house with my mom when I was in labor with Kinley and even though it wasn't a rush to head to the hospital, I can still remember her being so impatient and pushing us out the door. She was ready to meet her first great-granddaughter! And she was just as excited about us adding Brooklyn to the family. One of the hardest things about not having her here is knowing that my kids will miss out on such a special relationship.
I was with her the day before she passed and sat with her and an amazing Chaplain in her bedroom. We prayed for her and loved on her. It's really something when you sit and reflect on life in those final moments. Even though I know she knew, I am thankful that I was able to tell her how proud I was of her, how much respect I had for her and how much love I shared for her. Losing the person that you hold in the highest regard and trust with everything isn't something that you move on from. I know that I will have to move forward, but I also know that this incredible void will remain. There are many things that will make me smile and remind me of her- when I chew only half a piece of gum, see Hazelnut chocolate truffles, smell Chloe Narcisse perfume, eat homemade vanilla ice cream, see a hummingbird or owl, plant a pretty flower, paint my nails, fix a good Sunday breakfast or think of badminton. And there are still things that I can look forward to because of her. I asked Mamma if there was anything that she still wanted to do just a couple of months before she passed. She assured me that she was happy with the life that she lived and was satisfied, but that she really did want to take a train ride along the East coast some day. Sadly, she didn't get to do that, but I sure hope that I can do that one day in her honor. I definitely have a lot of amazing memories to carry me through.
I absolutely know that my grandma is in a happy place. She's as beautiful as ever. She's watching over us, just as she always has and she's proud. I didn't plan the details of my grandma's service, but in hindsight, I really wish that I did. I would have chosen to play one of her favorite songs.... I'll Fly Away by Alison Krauss. I can see her and hear her singing this and not only does that make me smile, but the lyrics of this song brings me a sense of comfort and peace.
(Copy and paste song link: https://youtu.be/1BPoMIQHwpo)
I'm going to miss this face more than words can express....
